By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
