I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Boobs are out for the taking
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
