I accidentally burped into my bong.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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