you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hippo gnu deer
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
