apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
