you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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