I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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