Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
