did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
sarcasm needs its own font
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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