upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
