dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
