hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
