he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
be right there i have to get my cape
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
