There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Barsexuality is the new black.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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