I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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