before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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