apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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