I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
