The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
