and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
