i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
