I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
