You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
