Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
