my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
