i don't like sucking hair
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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