you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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