So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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