My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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