real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
