I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
