Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
