im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
