i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My underwear smells like fireworks.
time to smoke my breakfast
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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