If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
