The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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