Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
