i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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