why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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