so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
