I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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