the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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