yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
