So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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