What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
