They should really pass out barf bags in church
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
