Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
