I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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