just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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