my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
