just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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