I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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