wrigley field is MILF paradise
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
