it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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