Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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