wake up i wanna do it froggy style
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My vagina is officially offended.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
